August 7 | There’s no “U” in Relationships | New Lenses

Here’s a shortened version (believe it or not!) of today’s “Relationships”message brought by Pastor Mike and Tammy. It’s followed by some discussion/application questions…

We need to see Gods purposes for our life and his purpose for relationships through the proper LENSES. Without a proper understanding of Gods design and purpose, relationships can and will ultimately disappoint rather than engage us.

Php 2:1 If you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any fellowship with the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, 2 then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and purpose. 3 Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. 4 Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others. 5 Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus: 6 Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, 7 but made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant…

4 Let each of you look not to his own interests, but to the interests of others.

This verse is most accurately rendered without the words “only” and “also.” This sort of challenge is profoundly countercultural. And so is Gods design and purpose for relationships.

1) God’s purposes generally are for our holiness, not our happiness.

The American dream is often in conflict with the purposes of God. The American dream says, “If it feels good do it,” “Your got to look out for yourself,” “Fill the needs and wants that you have in any way that you can,” “You deserve to be happy.” Stuff like that.

God says, instead, “Lose your life and gain it,” “Consider others better than yourself,” “There is no greater love than laying your life down for your brother,” “Love your enemies,” “Take up your cross and follow me,” “Sell all your possessions…,” And why? Because God is concerned about your eternal development and character not your temporal happiness…which is fleeting in any case.

God has a much greater and more profound purpose than simple happiness. He has determined to add the human race to the throng of angels and creatures that worship him and live in eternal purpose and peace with him. That end requires a holiness be developed in each of us that God begins here on earth largely through the fires and sacrifices and challenges of life. And one of his great designs and tools for our development is others…the relationships we have.

2) Relationships are a primary tool God designed and users for our spiritual refinement.

As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another. — Proverbs 29:11

Relationships are the searchlight scanning the unexplored and unchallenged recesses of our character. You can run from them or embrace them.

This concept is a substantive paradigm shift…

Do I see relationships as meant for my refinement or my refreshment?
Do I see my sister in law as a burden or a blessing?
Do I see my coworker as my teacher or my inferior?
Do I see my neighbor as a precious beloved child of God created in this image or a pain in my side as I’m trying to be such a good Christian?
Do I view my spouse as a disappointment who bait-and-switched me, or a flawed human that God is working in every day to make him or her more Christ-like?
Do I view my wayward child as a stupid, foolish individual or as a wonderful person captured and ensnared by forces of evil in this world?

Is this the perspective we have of relationships? That the fault is not always the other person, that I have great power in this relationship, and the purpose of this relationship is not that he or she makes me happy? Well, if they are not for my happiness, then what are they for?
So, immediately it begs the question what DO I think about relationships? What lens DO I have on? The lenses we have determine what we see when we look at others.

In Philippians 2, we have our vision correction.

Scripture tells us to consider, to look and to have the attitude of Christ.

“Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves.” vs 3
Consider others better than yourselves. (consider – think, believe, deem)

“Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.” vs 4
Look not only to your own interests, but the interests of others.

“Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus: Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the very nature of servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself and became obedient to death – even death on a cross!” vs 5-8
Attitude: not equal (not consider equality with God something to be grasped), here to serve (taking the very nature of a servant), humility (he humbled himself), sacrifice (became obedient to death)

Three ways we can actually wear these Philippians 2 glasses…

1 Samuel 16:7 “The Lord does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.” (God talking to Samuel about choosing David.)

1. Look at the heart, not at the outward appearance. (1 Sam 16:7)

2 Corinthians 4:18 “So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.” (Paul talking about it in terms of not losing heart in our troubles.)

2. Focus on what you can’t see, rather than what you can. (2 Cor 4:18)

What is unseen?

What is unseen…someone’s history. Can’t see someone’s history. Never know what someone has been through.

What is unseen is also…someone’s internal struggles.

You know what else is unseen? The end of that person’s journey on earth. We literally do not know the number of days another person has. That perspective helps us to do something that also requires maturity, but truly helps us experience more peace and joy, and that is to focus on being grateful in this moment instead of discontent.

Luke 9:24 “For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will save it.” (Jesus addressing the disciples about their call.)

3. Seek to give, not what you can get. (Luke 9:24-25)

If you want a hug, give one.
If you want an encouraging word, give one.
If you want to be included, have a party and invite everyone.
If you want a sweet marriage, be sweet.

Why/how can we have this lens of maturity?

A new lens is possible by being united with Christ and in fellowship with the Spirit.

Php 2:1 If you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any fellowship with the Spirit,

When u decided to trust Christ…you exchange worldly paradigms for eternal ones. You exchange ” best for me” and “look out for number one” principles for “it’s better to Kay down ones life” and “this life is too short to be selfish” … and in large part to be in fellowship with the Spirit is to have those truths and those motivations embedded, growing and flourishing over time in your life… To see every person and every opportunity through Christ’s eyes and through eternal lenses….

So, we are to be like minded. Make your mind like His. Ditch your old prescription!

APPLICATION QUESTIONS

Have you and your family ever tried the Myers Briggs type indicator?  You can google this on the Internet……
Is God more interested in your character rather than your comfort?  Explain how this affects you day to day….
What are some illustrations where you humbled yourself ….you stripped yourself of all of your prerogatives…how did it work out?
What relationship has caused you the most grief?
What relationship have you run from rather than stayed with for God to develop your character….
Do you have peace and joy through  relationships?
Is Christ coming forward through your relationships?
Do you see relationships for your refinement or your refreshment?
In relationships are you perceiving rather than receiving?
Would your friends say that you are here to serve?
Are you trusting God to meet all your relational needs?  How has He done this in your life?
Would you say that you primarily have a lens of blessing or discontentment?